Angel: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by samshair
Summary: Want to know why your unit seems to have adopted a child? Turned into a puppet? Well, you should have read the manual, moron. But fear not, here's an online version so you don't have to search your house for the one you already recycled.


Second installment. Yeah, I said Cordelia. I lied. Going to work on Buffy ones now, no joke.

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Angel: The Owners' Guide And Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the owner of a fully-automated **ANGEL **unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your broody vampire with a soul, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**Basic Information: **

**Name: **Angel, Angelus, Liam

**Date Of Manufacture: **1727, 1753 (sired)

**Place Of Manufacture: **W&H Characters, Ireland Division

**Height: **Around 6'1"

**Weight: **Unknown

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**Your ANGEL unit will come with the following accessories:**

Two casual outfits

Two pairs of shoes

One suit

Assorted weapons

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When you first open your **ANGEL **unit, he may be confused. Show him your home and let him get acquainted with everything.

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**Programming:**

Your **ANGEL** unit is quiet and kind of broody, and can carry out the following functions:

**Bodyguard: **He can't be out in the daytime, but if you plan on a midnight stroll, **ANGEL** will protect you from anyone or anything you may be confronted by.

**PI: **As his normal occupation is working at Angel Investigations, **ANGEL** is fully capable to solve a mystery or problem of yours. Or anyone's. Matter of fact, you could probably make a good business out of it.

**Date: **He's pretty cute, so if you can convince him to, you may be able to strike jealousy in the hearts of your friends by taking him to a school function.

**Conversation starter: **Whether he was singing _Mandy_, or kicking demon ass, your **ANGEL** is a great topic to brag about. We're sure there will be amusing stories to come.

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**Your ANGEL unit comes with six different modes:**

Quiet

Broody

Friendly

Hero

Angry

Evil

The default quiet mode is different from the broody mode, no matter how similar they may seem. In the broody mode, the **ANGEL** will lock himself in his room, stand in dark corners, and not want to have anything to do with life at all.

The friendly mode is activated whenever the **ANGEL** starts to feel bored, or wants something from you. He will talk more with people, and want to be around everyone. Just play along. He'll go back to normal soon.

Hero mode is activated when the **ANGEL **unit is in danger, or his friends are.

The angry mode is activated when Wolfram and Hart units like the **LINDSEY**, **LILAH**, or **GAVIN **are getting in the way of his business, or threatening his friends. We suggest you let him do as he wishes while in the angry mode, or our more easily offended customers may get their feelings hurt.

The evil mode is only activated if the **ANGEL** unit shares his moment of true happiness with the _Hellmouth Corp.'s_ **BUFFY SUMMERS **unit. _Hellmouth _is a sister company to W&H, so feel free to contact either office for a refund and Command Central witch to vampire-proof your home.

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**Relations with other units:**

**A. F. DOYLE**: This unit was one of **ANGEL's **friends in LA. They get on fine.

**CORDELIA CHASE**: This unit is also a friend.

**WESLEY WYNDHAM PRICE**: This unit is a friend, but may tick off **ANGEL **when **DARLA** gives birth to **CONNOR**. They'll get over it, but don't leave them in the same room too long.

**CHARLES GUNN**: This unit takes some getting used to, but will become a friend quickly.

**WINFRED BURKLE**: This unit may develop a crush on the **ANGEL** unit, but it will blow over. They are friends.

**LORNE**: This unit is a friend, but will occasionally annoy the **ANGEL** unit. They may not talk often in one of these situations, but it will sort itself out.

**CONNOR**: Things were tense between these two units for a while, but the **ANGEL **unit loves **CONNOR**, and they won't hurt each other. For the most part.

Wolfram and Hart, **ASSORTED EMPLOYEES **set: Do not, under any circumstances, leave any of the **ASSORTED EMPLOYEES **set alone with the **ANGEL** unit. It will result in a broken unit, and much grieving on the part of a ripped off customer.

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**Cleaning: **The **ANGEL **unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. Trust us, don't try to help. It will make a okay situation into a bloody one.

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**Energy: **The **ANGEL **unit will appreciate a fully stocked fridge of pig's blood. Remember to change suppliers once in a while, or they may get suspicious.

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**Frequently Asked Questions:**

**Q: **My **ANGEL **unit won't eat anything I give him. Is he on a hunger strike?

**A: **No. He's a vampire, you moron. Give him some blood.

**Q: **My unit just slept over at the **BUFFY SUMMERS' **unit's house. Now he won't stop threatening my family. Help me.

**A: **They must've had a happy moment. Evacuate the house, and sleep at a friend's or family members' home. Don't go back home until our team has contacted you that it is safe.

**Q: ANGEL** is broodier than ever. How do I get him back to normal?

**A: **He had a bad break up. What do you want from him?

**Q: **I came home from school today to find my **ANGEL** unit eating ice cream. This isn't supposed to be possible! What's going on!?

**A: **Mohra demon. He was probably fighting one, and it turned him human. If you don't like that, you can reset him.

**Q: **There's this annoying baby in my **ANGEL** unit's room, and it won't stop crying. Did **ANGEL** get a _Little Mommy _doll?

**A: **No, the **DARLA** unit gave birth to a **CONNOR **unit. He'll grow up soon, and things will be back to semi normalness.

**Q: ANGEL** is spending a lot of time with my **SPIKE** unit, but they're acting all weird. And, hey! I thought Spike was dead!

**A: **He is. So is Angel. They're vampires. Spike came back all ghost-y. Did you watch the show or not?

**Q: **My **ANGEL** unit disappeared, and I think it was replaced with a bad puppet likeness of him. Can I get **ANGEL** back?

**A: **Eventually, **ANGEL **will come back. Just wait it out.

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**Warranty: **With proper care, the **ANGEL **unit should never die, unless an angry Slayer or other person stakes, burns, or beheads him. However, if you get annoyed with the soulful vampire, you can always send him back to our company for a full refund (within six months of purchase).


End file.
